The Kung Fu Panda Guide To Tango

18th June 2009

If Kung Fu Panda were about Tango...:

Po: There is no secret sequence!

Po: The Milonguero said nothing, for his nod was enough of a signal. Then he spoke: "Enough talk. Let's dance!" SHAFAFOOIE! He was so skilled, in fact, that his partners would go blind from overexposure to pure awesomeness.

Male onlooker: He's too awesome!
Female onlooker: And attractive!
Milonga owner: How can we repay you?
Milonguero: There is no charge for awesomeness. Or attractiveness.

Shifu: That flabby panda is not the Dragon Milonguero!

Po: (gasps in horror) The Corrientes Finger Embrace! No, not the Corrientes Finger Embrace!
Shifu: (smiling slyly) Oh-ho-ho, you know this hold?
Po: Developed by Master Giraldo in the Third Tango Extravaganza, yes!
Shifu: (raises his hand a little) Oh, then you must also know what happens when I flex my pinky.
Po: (gasps) No, no, no...
Shifu: You know what the hardest part of this move is? The hardest part... (whispers slightly) is cleaning up afterwards. (chuckles)

Po: I probably sucked more today than anyone in the history of Tango - in the history of dancing - in the history of sucking!

Shifu: Master, master! I have... it- it's very bad news!!
Oogway: Ah, Shifu. There is just news- there is no good or bad.
Shifu: Master, your vision- your vision was right! Sally Potter has broken out of prison! She's on her way!
Oogway: That is bad news. If you do not believe that the Dragon Milonguero can dance with her.

Shifu: Put that festival leaflet down! The only souvenirs we collect here are bloody ankles and broken bones!

Tigress: It is said that the Dragon Milonguero can survive for months off nothing but a Di Sarli recording, and the energy of the universe.

Oogway: There are no accidents. Except downstairs at Negrachas.

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- 18th June 2009