The Terminator Guide To Tango

21st February 2009

If the Terminator were about Tango...:


The Terminator: I'll be back... sacada-ing.


Kyle Reese: Dance with me if you want to live.


Sarah Connor: Kyle, the women in your time, what are they like?
Kyle Reese: Good dancers.
Sarah Connor: That's not what I meant. Was there someone special?
Kyle Reese: Someone?
Sarah Connor: A girl, you know.
Kyle Reese: No. They all just smiled and walked away.
Sarah Connor: Every time? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.


Kyle Reese: Listen and understand. That milonginator is out there. It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with, it can't be cabaceo'd. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dancing salon style.


Sarah Connor: Come on. Do I look like the milonga leader of the future? I mean, am I poised, organized? I can't even balance on one foot!


The Terminator: [In a Tango shop] The 12 gauge Comme il Fauts.
Shopkeeper: [Passes him the shoes] They're Italian, you can go close or open-toe.
The Terminator: The .45 Darcos, with laser sighting.
Shopkeeper: [Passes the Terminator the shoe, the Terminator "plays" with it] These are brand new, we just got them in. That's a good shoe. You just touch them and you aim your cabaceo where you want the dancer to go, you can't miss. Anything else?
The Terminator: Phased plasma shoes in the 40 Watt range.
Shopkeeper: Hey, just what you see, pal.


The Terminator: Hasta la volcada, baby.


The Terminator: I need your clothes, your shoes, and your dance partner.
Dancer: [Laughs] You forgot to say "please", asshole.


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- Various, 21st February 2009