The Harry Potter Guide to Tango
24th January 2009
If Harry Potter were to comment on Tango...:
Sally: [puts a hand to his forehead] And who owned that shoe?
Mr. Ollivander: The shoe chooses the wearer, Miss Potter. It's not always clear why. But I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you. After all, The-tall-skinny-bloke-you-like-dancing-with did great things. Terrible! Yes. But great.
Dumbledore: Dear Mr. Potter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Tango-in-Action's advanced tango class. Soon, you and your schoolmates will join us here, and your education in the magical arts will begin.
Hermione: Now if you two don't mind, I'm leaving Negracha's before either of you can come up with another secret bottle of wine and get us all killed - or worse, expelled.
Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities!
Hagrid: [explaining how to get past Fluffy] You just play a bit of Piazzola and he'll fall right to sleep... I shouldn't have told you that!
Hagrid: You're a milonguero, Harry!
Harry: I'm a what?
Hermione: You'll be okay, Harry. You're a great tango dancer. You really are.
Harry: Not as good as you.
Hermione: Me? Books and Ask Maleeva videos. There are more important things: sexy dresses and killer heels. But Harry, just be careful.
Harry: I swear I don't know. One minute the impro was there and the next it was gone. It was like magic.
Uncle Vernon: There is no such thing as improvisation!
Draco Malfoy: Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask you yours. Rats tails in your hair... and a hand-me-down pair of converses... you must be a Nuevo dancer.
Ron: High boleo!
Hermione: Stop, stop stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's High VO-leo, not BO-leo.
Hermione: Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this.
[shifts her weight]
Hermione: Full volcada!
[Neville's arms snap under the strain, and he drops to the floor, frozen stiff as a board]
Ron: You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant... but scary.
Hagrid: Blimey, I'd love a good milonga dancer.
Harry: You'd like a good milonga dancer?
Hagrid: Vastly misunderstood beasts, Harry. Vastly misunderstood.
Dumbledore: And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third line of dance on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.
Sorting Hat: Hmm, difficult. VERY difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind, either. There's talent, oh yes. And a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you?
Harry: Not El Corte. Not El Corte.
Sorting Hat: Not El Corte, eh? Are you sure? You could be great, you know. It's all here in your head. And El Corte can help you on your way to greatness, there's no doubt about that. No?
Harry: Anything but El Corte, anything but El Corte.
Sorting Hat: Well if you're sure, better be... NEGRACHA's!
Lord VeRon: Sally Potter. We meet again.
Lord VeRon: Yes. You see what I've become? See what I must do to survive? Live off a 15 year old film, a mere parasite! Tango Lesson can sustain me, but it cannot give me a choreography of my own. But there is something again; something that, conveniently enough, lies in your underwear!
- The A Team's Guide to Tango
- The Star Wars Guide to Tango
- The Simpson's Guide to Tango
- George W Bush's Guide to Tango
- Captain Jep, 24th January 2009