Tango Rules for Modern Jivers

How we Modern Jived

It all changes in Tango though…

You pretty much danced anywhere in the room, sides, middle, anti clockwise, clockwise, backwards, forwards…

You need to now dance anti-clockwise, about one arms length away from the wall, and go to the corners – yes, you do. You look a Wally if you don’t and will end up bumping into those folks going anti-clockwise

We would have the women ask us men to dance

Oh dear, chaps, you need to give women ‘the eye’, see how she reacts, then approach and ask for a dance. None of that waiting for her to ask you business here

We would give her a dance, or maybe another one too

She will expect three dances on the trot, it’s rude not to apparently…

Misbehaving men – they would get the old ‘accidental’ stiletto through the foot

Misbehave at Tango and because you are close, you are going to get the ‘accidental’ knee to the nuts (not that I would know this as I have never misbehaved…)

Getting right close to the lady will get her thinking that you may or may not have a fun sized Mars Bar in your pocket, because Modern Jiver’s don’t, in general, dance close. She will have her suspicions.

Getting right close to the lady she will know you HAVE a fun sized Mars Bar in your pocket, as you are used to getting close due to Tango dancing and will be used to dancing this way, and it can only be that can’t it…

You’ve been used to pulling women’s arms off with your dancing

It’s frame, frame, FRAME!!! Every time. No slipping into Armjiving, er, ever.

Aggressive leading has been the norm. The ladies have been anticipating your moves and do, well, what they want or think what you want to do

Nope, none of that here, it’s GOT to be proper leading, other wise she will just stand there and you will look a prune

Hey up, let’s try that Aerial move…

Look, it’s not like on Strictly Come Dancing. They do all that showboating stuff, that Tango people don’t seem to recognise! Tango is about, well, walking. Yes, I know, it’s sounding boring (but it’s not!). No aerials live here pal.

I am the king of my venue I go to though

Time to climb down and start doing some proper dancing then eh?!!...

 - Ken Royden